So I’m feeling extra-rejuvinated after this here retreat. Seriously. I taught. Usually when I teach, I’m like: “Um, Jesus, um, loves you, um, i think, um, maybe, um, yes, um, i think you’ve, um, got it by, um, now.”
Super bad, right? This time I was feeling waaaay better and actually articulate. Articulate AND expressive. I don’t know if you understand how torturous it is for me to try at these talking things. I’m like, socially retarded most of the time, I can’t teach. Which relates to my teaching. I AM bad at teaching, but God’s pretty good. He was totally speaking, that wasn’t me. I don’t talk that nicely. My whole teaching process was an amazing thing for me to go through, let me run by how it went down:
I find out on wednesday, whatever, cool, enough time to teach by sunday. I find out my topic on Thursday, cool, sweet, whatever. I meet with Anele and Dad to go through our outlines on Friday. Uh Oh. We’re not so cool. My whole teaching is about being convicted through realizing your need for God. I am NOT feeling so convicted. I am feeling stupid. As this whole process goes on, I feel worse and worse. I feel like I’m not connecting, I’m not even excited. I keep praying to get convicted or something. This agony goes on and on. I’m preparing in all of my spare time, and it’s not even fun or anything. I keep trying to think that I know what I’m doing, but I don’t even seem to be understanding what Im’ reading from this Stedman guy and the Browning dude. It’s Saturday, we work until CT. I still feel like poopy. It’s Sunday, I’ve done like 3 drafts of my teaching, we’re going through and practicing with dad. He’s like, you guys really need to change all this stuff. I don’t even finish by the time we’re supposed to leave for this retreat. WAAHHH!! NOT PREPARED! I skip swimming so that I can practice with Anele and Nicole. It was Ok, after that, I was just praying my ass off. I finally get what’s going on. It’s right smack in my teaching. I NEED GOD. I can’t do anything! I don’t know anything! (This is a big one for me, because, I like, know everything.) It’s God’s Word, not mine. My teaching was supposed to help convist myself and the audience. I can’t convict the audience with my super-wisdom or something. It’s all God.
Jesus died and rose again, just like in Acts 2 (The passage I was teaching from). He is God, he is here! We need Him! He’s not just some old savior from 2,000 years ago who somehow hears our foggy prayers over some passage of time, He’s NOW. Everyone needs to realize this now and keep realizing this. We’re stupid sinner people, we forget.
I taught after the break from Kyle and Mike. I felt so excited and on fire! I looked out at my sleepy audience, and didn’t care that they were sleepy. Afterwards in the parking lot, Bryan and Joe said that I have some kind of “Spirit Accent” when I teach in the spirit. I don’t know what they’re talking about, but I felt really free, like I didn’t have to worry. Keith was pretty encouraging afterwards too. I don’t think I’m much of a teacher, which is why I feel so excited about this. It’s not that I suddenly developed this special teaching skill, it was totally the Holy Spirit.
The rest of the night was pretty spirit-filled. Anele taught on devotion, Bryan on the Body, Joel (surprise!!!) on FEPA or FEBA or something, and Keith on how we should try to gain the kind of body life the early church dudes had. Shelly and Becky were feeling the spirit. People were having fun.
Then we went to the 24-hour walmart (Or leah’s wally-world) and hung out there until 2 or so. Us girls watched ‘Clueless’, and giggled. I don’t know what the guys did, probably not sleep. Or whatever it is they do.
I had a lot of fun, And there was some spiritual sweetness too. I just really pray that we become like the Body in Acts 2. They were on some fellowship highs.