MT||08||

SCARED? No. Shy? No. Excited? A little? Then what? I’m not sure. But something is making me shake. A mixture of excitement, stress, nerves and probably the lack of sleep. The car could be a factor as well. It could be that i didn’t know what i was going to do. I tried to imagine. My mind was blank. I knew the center, the leaders, Jim, Melanie, where we were going to meet, ages of kids but not what we were going to do. I prayed in my head for God to help because i didnt know what else i coud do.
I guess i was nervous. Yeah, thats what its called; troubled, worried, anxious… everything I am in my normal life. Maybe i thought about it too much. Thinking about it now, maybe i went crazy for a couple of minutes. Maybe I am crazy now thinking about how i dont know what i was feeling, what i am feeling, what i do feel everyday. Maybe Susanna Kaysen made me think crazy and reading her book just made me feel… crazy.
Back to Buffalo.
“Why is it called Buffalo?” It was a pretty stupid name, i agreed with what Asta had said.
But before i knew it, we were there. Stepping through the side door just made me more excited. but why? I really dont like kids too much. Not that i dont like them, i just loose patience with them quite frequently.
I walked down the stairs, through the cafeteria, down the hall letting my hand feel all the yellow hooks next to the locker room. Up a little set of stairs, passed another. Big stairs. Where were we going again? I realized we stopped. Melanie was talking? Doors opened, we were in the theatre. And there were kids.

This is Michael

This is Michael

The first kids i met were Michael, Sam and Elizabeth. Sam had glasses and his voice was quiet but he wasn’t. Michael’s voice was loud and he was too. Elizabeth was exactly like Katie, my little sister. I didnt say anything for a little bit. Well, i said hi and grabbed a coloring book and sat down, watching the three argue.
“Remember in the car when we were laughing so hard…”
“I dont like that car…”
“Do you ever stop talking…”
“He always talks.” i realized Sam said this to me. I smiled and said “Oh, really.” ????
Michael refuted with, “Sam always talks so i cant fall asleep.” “Why do you want to sleep now?”
“Not now, at night!” “i dont talk to you at night.” “Yeah you do.” Elizabeth said. And i asked her her name and she told me and showed me her picture. It was nice. They made me feel much more comfortable.
So that was the start of the first day.

Then there was a kid that had the most energy and sweetness i have ever seen in a boy in first grade. Jay See–i dont know if that is how you spell it–was jordan and joe’s subject. It was pretty cool cause J and J had him focus his energy. And oh it did take both of them, he had such energy that it seemed he lost control. He was so cute.

Jay See

A little girl named Rhema was my favorite kid of them all. She was super friendly and i was her favorite, so of course i loved her. :] She would get mad if i left her but forgive me and we would start talking about high school musical. She had feed back on Jordan’s teaching (her favorite) and told me about her brother, who was also there. She was So adorable and a perfect little girl.

Rhema

Donnell was a ball of hate. I tried to talk to him but it always ended with an ‘i hate you’ or ‘i’ll sue.’ i think he just wanted to be B.A.

Donnell

other highlights of the trip were:
-Tuesday. the swimming day. i didnt swim but i hung out with two kids, one of which was Nasseem. He was in the 3rd and 4th grade group and seemed to be friends with everyone. the ANCHOR BAR! i dont like wings too much but i had some french fries and they were goood. everyone had a great time. then joe left. then neil came.

Nasseem

-Wednesday. niagra falls! that was crazy hilarious. getting into canada was terrifying. The guy came to look at who was in the car. he tried to open 2 of the morschmellows side doors and i told him “That one gets stuck.” he tried again. “it gets stuck?” again. “it wont open.” he gave up. We squished four people in the back bench seat and he didnt seem to notice at all. The falls were amazing! i couldnt believe suck an awesome creation. I wonder why God made such things. It really was awesome.
-Thursday, last day with kids. the kids play at the end of the day was so cute. it may have lasted only 5 minutes but the end was the best. We attached a sheet with ‘bricks’ drawn on it to the overhead screen and realed it up. Eric, a really tall guy my age, read off a piece of paper then the sheet wall came down and there were these adorable 1st graders waving flags.
i couldnt stop laughing they were awesome!

Me and Michael

One person i had a blast with was Becky Allen. It was cool to see her deal with the kids even though she was overwhelmed. Becky is a realllyyyy funny person.

“Why do gay people get the whole freaking rainbow?!” Becky Allen

 

Going home was the worst.
This really makes me want to move to Buffalo, New York

We stayed in the attic(k?). It was really cool until half the room flooded and it got moldy…. this is the half that was dry and we crammed 5 girls over there.

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I cant stress how much i appreciate the Wordies.

Saturday night at the party we had an encouragement circle and i cant remember what i said to most of them. I know i vomited out Mike, Jeff and B but i felt like i didnt say enough. especially to mike. I mean mike is mike. he is such a strong person to be here and act the way he does. he could have left with steve and sam b/c they were his friends too but he stayed. he is such a spiritual guy and is one of the best guys ever.

and Jeffis! he surprises me everyday–litterally. I see him a lot with my dad and he is always so friendly. From surprising us with pizza one day to a surprise talk, he seems-is-like a strong soldier of God.

it was a great bonfire. the best there has ever been.

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Then today.

B opened up to me. i asked him some questions because he said i was ‘aloud to’.

then i asked him what was on my mind and he told me something very awesome.

then i thought what was on my mind… the future? kind of. more like a lack of future. what can i do, i’ve been thinking lately. A dream is to lead south street but i guess Adi is training for that. and i am not a leader. i cant do anything because i cant lead people. i would totally want to but i just cant, i guess. Interpreter one (me) would say i am a leader but interpreter two (me) would also totally slam it down and would justify it somehow. Maybe i could move to Buffalo where i dont know many people and become a leader. Like try to lead Buffalo because i love it and i want to save it.

So in my mind of what i can do (my mind not God’s plan for me) it is either die by the high sschool or move to Buffalo…. 🙂 or just stay here and go to Kent and adapt a block baby

6 thoughts on “MT||08||”

  1. Thanks for sharing more details from Buffalo. Sounds like you had a great trip. I”m glad we have such servant-leaders rising up in Word.
    I”m not sure why you think you can’t lead, because leading is mostly serving people, plus a little strategy. But experienced leaders can help with the strategy part. If you can serve in Buffalo and at South Street, I’m sure you can serve in your home church, too. That’s way easier!

  2. Kalie’s right, Elli. Get your mind thinking about how you can love people, how you can serve them, how you can help them grow in Christ or just meet Christ. Don’t get caught up in thinking about “leading” , think about “serving”, and bringing others alongside to serve others. BTW I had an absolute blast with you guys in Buffalo. It was really edifying to see and hear how much you guys wanted and looked for ways to help out at Bible camp. I know some of you guys came away wishing you could have done alot more. Don’t let go of that yearning – that’s God given. Plug it into your families, and ministry right here. If you really liked serving kids – ask if there is a way to help out with the children’s ministry as well.

  3. I’m sure you’ve heard this before, but don’t waste your time thinking of the future. Not that it’s bad to plan or to be prepared, but worrying over things you can’t control will in turn control you.

    Matthew 6:25-34 is a great outlook on this. I just read into Matthew before reading your blog, and that among other things screamed out at me for you to be reminded of.

    But the ladies are right, you can be a totally kick-ass leader if you only quit doubting yourself. Everybody else sees it as clear as day, and you of all should know.

  4. you are obsessed with that book!

    I like your drama about coming to Buffalo Elli.

    With the future thing, I totally understand. The thing is that you just have to trust God with it. I hear that all the time, and I’m like: ok, whatever, trust God; but it’s more of a personal thing. I’m having a hard time with it right now. I want to control my life (and sometimes aspects of others) like we all do. Trusting God is just letting Him do what He wills with your life. It’s a hard thing to do. Just keep on serving and loving sister.

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