As soon as I found out I was pregnant I started having those thoughts: there’s so much I haven’t accomplished yet that I want to do! Dramatic, as per usual, and irrational. Of course I’ll have a life after babies. Since those initial talks, as I’ve talked to parents and reflected on what parenthood means, I’m actually getting more convinced that this is moreso where life actually begins rather than what I thought life was before. I am looking forward to it.
Yet, to some extent, I know those thoughts remain because life will be different. And the main difference I started worrying about was this: time. There were so many things I wanted to fill my time with that I hadn’t yet.
But why? And what kinds of things? Why?: Because I am straight up lazy. The things I want to accomplish are completely within reach. It’s just that, I didn’t exercise the self discipline to make them happen before baby comes. And now that it’s coming… It’s time.
So, the 2 main priorities I’ve found myself coming back to are as follows: 2) getting organized/clean/becoming a real adult. (My old roomies can attest: I’m not the most organized person. My physical belongings are often a great picture of what my thought life/emotional patterns are in that season. It’s rough. Gotta get that straightened out in order to keep this kid alive – as I’ve learned with multiple hospital bills being covered & quickly forgotten, then found months later… time to grow up.)
1) I want to read. I’ve always loved reading — as an escape. It’s been a hobby of mine since I was young, but I tend to read my favorites over & over because I like them. So, this is different: I want to grow. I want to take advantage of the insane amount of resources that are available to me! I want to exercise my mind instead of wasting away behind my phone. I want to be a good steward, become a better wife, friend, servant, Christ follower, evangelist, leader, mother and start by opening up the piles of books I have around me.
So, with that, I decided to start reading – real, good books that will help. I don’t know how much time I’ll have to read when baby comes. Someone told me that you’ll have more time when they get older and you can take them to the playground and read a book as they run. But, babies – I’ve seen the constant attention they need! My bff mamas are so great and sacrificial, but they don’t have much time to sit back, read, sip coffee & reflect. (Audio books, though, I hear are life savers.)
Then, my insanely smart & disciplined brother told me he has planned out what he’s reading THIS YEAR. I think ~20 books! For someone who has a newborn, works full time, does ministry basically full time – I thought: no way! So, I probably won’t do 20, but I think at least for me a book of month is reasonable. And challenging. And I need a challenge or else, frankly, my dears, I won’t give a damn.
ANYWAY – why am I publishing this to my blog??? 2 reasons:
- I’ve started this challenge already and have gotten through 3 books. AND IT IS HECKING AWESOME!! I am kicking myself in the butt for NOT doing this when I had more time! (Yes, you do have more time, even in college. I know, I know – you hate hearing it, but that’s just the truth.) WHY didn’t I do this before?? A chapter a day isn’t unachievable! My mind feels fully engaged! It literally feels like in Limitless when you have full brain access – so cool. SUCH a difference to spending ALL my free time zoning out behind my phone/my Netflix. (Trust me, I still do that plenty… But it’s really made me realize how much time I was giving those things. And how much they don’t need.)
- TLDR: I feel invigorated spiritually. I have more to talk about with God. I have more to think about my own faith, others, the future, the Bible. I’m learning so much of good, spiritual, sound information… all in small pages.
- (I swear these are my words & not my English teaching husband who has to persuade people that books aren’t your enemy every day of his life… He has to do that for me, too. PTL.)
- ACCOUNTABILITY! Yup, if I fail, then I want to do it publicly. (Not that many people are going to read this.) ((If anything, future me will read this past blog and feel the mix of shame/inspiration to begin again.)) But seriously, I want to stick with this as long as I can. This is NOT a waste of time! And I want to make it a habit that even after baby I will come back to.
- surprise, 3 reasons: I want other people to do it, too. Honestly. I feel already I’ve wasted so many years not accessing incredible amounts of information around me. My heart breaks when my younger sisters say, “I hate reading.” I understand, it’s hard, it’s boring, it takes thoughtful energy (sometimes emotional energy), self-discipling. But, there’s so much we are missing.
Anyway, that’s A LOT for a simple point: I’m trying to read more this year & so far, it is awesome.
Thanks for coming to my TED talk.
(Adding the tag: Good Reads to this post & to futures for reviews of books I might publish… If they’re good enough/I have the understanding to do so.)