A short story (based on OTHER peoples experiences, some of my own and some i just made up)

Awkward silence. You know what they say, every awkward silence a gay baby is born. I thought i’d fill the space.
“So i’ll be seeing you?”
“Uh yeah. You’re not mad, are you?” he said to the ground. For a big boy he looked kind of helpless.
“Oh no, i understand… Bye,” I turned to walk away swearing at everything i saw.
Walking home is always the worst part. Every break-up I have ever gone through, i have to walk home, but its the worst part. Walking through the woods and on the dark streets seeing your destination but the strain in your throat and the tears choking you stops you from going in. It may be horrible for me but its better than the awkward silence during the car ride home. Sitting next to the bitch that just tore your heart out isn’t very awesome at all.
Sucking it up as i saw headlights coming from around the corner, a speeding car screeched to a hault in front of me. Lil Wayne blaring as the window rolled down, two big brown eyes stared up at me. With a smile on his face and a swift flick of his hand, the door was open for me to take my place next to D.
Silence except for D singing, i was able to calm down. He always knew when i was angry and let me have my space, for his own good of course. If he didn’t, i would probably rip his head off.
Sensing my stability he said in a loud sanguine voice, “What’s up with you Blonde Booty?”
Heehee, he’s so cute of course he knew how to make me smile. And how was that even funny? It was just him, his whole personality was just a ball of sunshine.
“Not much D baby.”
“Thats a lie.”
“I know.”
“Mitch ended it.”
“Another one bites the dust.”
“Well, are you okay?”
“Yeah…” lie, “his loss.” Lie again.
Mitch was the love of my life, the fifth one anyway. We were the best of friends, for abot a wee, then we started going out to the clubs togther and stay out late down town. One thing led to another and then he broke up with me. My whole life died before my eyes like a salt covered slug shrinking in the sun-light, that slug being what i relied on, my heart beat, just my life. You see, he was the only friend i had for awhile. gave up everyone else-everything else- for him. I look back on myself and realize how stupid i was. I dunno but after all that, D was here for me now, and i dont know how i cant screw this one up.

Dropping me off, i waved and waited for him to leave before i went in. Sitting alone in the dark spring can gt pretty lonely but its better than facing the family. D knew this. He knew all about me not being able to talk to my family. He tried to confront me on this once, i slapped him and ran away. And ruthfully, m not sure why i hate thm so much. All they do is… well i dont know. I havent seen them in a week or two.

Seeing as though he wasnt leaving, i rolled my eyes and walked to he door. With a flicker of headlights for encouragment, i turned the door knob. I didnt have to finish te job as a little mexican women opened the door yelling things in he language with a big smile on her face.

“Hi mama,” i said with a smile.

“Oh muchacha, who are you, and what have you done with my rubia?” means blonde, rubia means blonde. Thats one word i know and growing up blonde wasnt only a hair color, it was my whole personality. MY personality. How i was blonde and spoiled, thats what it meant.

It smelled like cat and a faint wiff of bird poop at the opening of the small hallway. I followed Gloria through the house as she called out recent family news to me.

“Senor!” after a pause, stepmama tuned to me with a smile, “Mira la television.” I nodded.

“Well, go se him!”

“Oh, los ciento.”

Walking up the stairs, the memories made me all warm inside. Seeing Gloria, Paul, Stevie and me all happy again made me ust remember our good times.

Paying no attention, anyone can just walk into Paul’s room and find themselves cryiing twenty minutes later.

“Hi Papa.”

The gray head stood up and hugged me. “Juana,” using my baby name just stabbed me through the heart.


Took me twenty seconds.

After settling down for the second time tonight, he asked me about how ive been doing, of course. oasdfhasbduiaduahduiasdgsksdhaiusdaiuhauishdiuhsiudhisugdcbhxzui8zyd

to be continued, most likely not. though i am liking the D character but i have to work on the girl’s personality before i go on. i was just going off of whatever came to my mind. more solid plot. okay bye.

take a deep breath and pray

so im calm now and i was so stressed when i wrote those two blogs i dont even remember feeling that way but i feel very foolish. and trina helped a lot with her comment.

soo i prayed and am trying to be grateful about all this. so lets do it the old fashion way and make a grattude list (my mom used to make me do this when i was negative.):

  1. i get a Delonte West jersey (which i will probably cherish forever, eek)
  2. i get to go see my grandma where we get spoiled of course
  3. asta i guess is probably a good leader and is recognized and i am happy for her
  4. i get more time to memorize verses for basic
  5. get more time to work on my ppage for J2
  6. the Lord has shown me that my plans do not work… which i always knew i guess i just never experienced it
  7. i went to dance and am getting to know a girl named taylor who is pretty cool and i need ta get her numba!
  8. i am thankful for my bro jeff there too
  9. and ms. andie mcphee who is sticking with me throughout my times
  10. and i havebeen praying and praying for a long time to get out of where i am which is not going anywhere and i think the Lord is ‘testing’ me if thats the right word and putting me through something and i think trusting and faith will just bring me closer, which is exactly what i want more than any delonte west ersey or cavs tickets.


POEM from spring break prayer meeting

since everyone told me to put the queen of cheesey poems up on my blog, here it is:


Greatly anticipated with expectations oh so high,

spring break ’08 has been mighty fly

the first day was pink with a little shade of blue

relaxing and fun… without asta too!

forgetting those at home was an honest mistake

and to face the path of doom is a risk i have yet to take

hear, stress, laughter, and joy may sum up these days.

theres been luxury every sunrise, sunset, sunshit; every fase

because one thing i have learned so far

is to never let jordan drive a car                         JK

but so far, the best thing may be

i am truly learning about the B.O.C.

how thankful i am for them

and how God is currently watching over me

my relationships are strengthening

yet tribalism is still lengthening

to watch everyone grow up without me,

may be one of the hardest things to see.

 left to think surrounded by nature

i realize how i neglect my future

and if i want to grow

i must get off my ass and seek to know

the end.

there were a lot of ‘inside jokes’ in there so if you didnt like it, im on your side.

anyways. the cavs game yesturday (friday) was completely embarrassing. though i have go to give it to their second team comming in, the were down soo much! it was like 12 or more points difference and they brought it up to 5. so 95 to 100 and hughes wins again. thats what we get for trading him!! hahahaaaaa

my obsession