December

Sadness

It is there.
As I mask it with ribbon & tape,
It lives.
As I use these gifts & song to cope,
It prevails.
As I wish & wonder & hope,
It doesn’t go away.

It’s still there –
The fact that life… sucks.
It hurts. It squashes. It burns.
People pass & they… hurt.

Such a small word for something so…
Mighty. So altering, so meaningful.
Hurt.
Oh, the pain they feel – I feel.
I wish I could take it away!

But it won’t go away.
Maybe it will & then –
It comes back! Something new
To torment them.
And it sucks.

I wish I had the words for them,
For me.
Yet as I see the pain many see,
Sometimes it doesn’t sting.
Sometimes, I can smile.

Sometimes, I can breathe.
I can take in the beauty around me
Without seeing the death.
I can hear the sweet songs
Without the sad notes.
I can be rid of this prevailing reality –

And be consumed in a warm, never-ending embrace –
One shoulder I can cry, whom strokes my head,
As he wipes every tear from my eye,
He says he’ll get me through the pain,
And bring me to the end.
Where joy lives and where he conquers death.

(Those are the words I have… Thankful for the Prince of Peace sent to the world to rid it of all the sadness – someday – and presently, to give us hope & peace while we wait for eternity.)

November

Nothing out there for me

Trying, trying, trying to find

Something, something, to fill my mind.

 

With no answers, there is no end.

With no answers, what can be said?

 

Making up what I can to satisfy

The wants of my open mind.

 

But nothing will fill that gaping hole

That tries and wants and needs full.

 

It’s all just nothing out there,

Where they claim to bear

…nothing.

October

This is what I have to say:

If I could leave the world a word
I know it would go unheard.

But if anyone would care to share
This is the message I would bear:

God came down a person, real
to help, to hear, to start to heal.

He came to show all of the hope
that allows us in this darkness to cope.

I’d say to you: this isn’t a choice,
He’s a real being, a real voice.

I’d tell the ones I love to CEASE:
God is offering a great peace!

That you cannot get on your own
So stop living life as just ONE!

He offers forever with him,
Please: go out on a limb.

Ask him to allow you to understand
I assure you, he will stick out his hand.

He will show you that we are broken
and that is hard to hear once spoken.

But not without hope for he has an offer.
Forgiveness it is and he is the author.

So, please, reach out to the greatest Father,
Who wishes us all be sons & daughters.

September

Helper

I have been viewing losses as fail
And effort like breaking out of jail.

I’ve looked and said: “please, help!
I’m searching & there’s no hope I’ve felt.”

Yet, you’re always guiding, turning
Me and answering my yearning

Telling me: “Daughter, it’s going to be okay!”

Since his will is perfect & good
And his love is more than it should.

And even if I lose every single thing
To him, my heart, I will still cling.

At the gates he’ll yell: “what did I say!”

And every single thing will be okay.

August

To death!

 

I wonder what it’s like knowing not of death –

Breathing in freely, each being a long, lasting breath.

Not fighting, but staring up, up at the sky!

Enjoying, refreshing, knowing I will never die.

 

Much of my life I’ve thought of death –

I’ve thought about how this could be the last breath.

I’ve looked up and shouted, “take me in, sky!”

Hoping, wishing, waiting, pleading to die.

 

Then, others fear the end as final – death-

They charish every single, little, frail breath.

They shout, “Please! Don’t every take me, sky!”

And wonder why, oh why, do I have to die?

 

Either way, I know – I do not fear death –

Able to be grateful, but not cling to every breath.

We eternal can go fly up, up to the sky!

And know my Father did not create me to die.

July

To Be Found

Who is lost?
Not I! I am found.
So up high, away from the ground
I can’t even see
any near me
I am so found
I can’t hear a sound!

Yet I am alone
with no one, nor home
I have to fight
just to see a light
I think I can go
But I just sink below
I am lost. I need found

But he has come, to gather me up
To give me love, when I can’t get up
To love me (even when no one else does) [bad, elli]
And give me a home no matter what.
Oh, how I long to be found – again, and again, so close to your sound
It picks me up, as I drop down.
Oh Father, don’t ever put me down!

“For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what is lost.” – Luke 19:10

Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

June

Never Good

Frustration isn’t kindled, it’s explosive
That consumes heatedly emotive

Set off by expectations wildly high
That I myself set, but cannot get by

My heart crumbles when I get to see
How terrible I must really be

I struggle and fight and work so hard
Just to be good enough, but I’m barred

I try and try and try without hope
Oh, will good ever be in my scope?

No, it won’t. I never will.
I’ll always, always, always be ill.

May

Some Faith

Sometimes I slip,
Or someone slips,
Or life slips,
All the ways –
I end up on the ground.

Maybe not too bad,
Maybe pretty bad,
But to me it seems
I’m stuck on the ground.

And I try everything –
Over & over –
But nothing seems to work.

I’m stuck right here with no help,
Or so it seems to work.

Yet He calls me to listen,
Even from my lowly position

Calling me to look up.

 

“rejoice in the Lord always, again I say rejoice.”

Getting caught

Voices shoot past, incomprehensible.

Screams, laughs; flying by so fast.

Some faces you catch, others keep going

Always moving, never slowing.

 

Lives, just ending. Running into darkness.

No one can stop us, no one can save us.

Here we go, into the dark.

To death we race, our lives we pace.

 

But I got caught.

Before the pit, was a net

And it caught me in its soft threads

Before I hit that endless pit.

 

I landed and there were others

All around me! Looking around, free.

We laughed, we leaned, we breathed

It was so good, so good we could.

 

Suddenly, I remembered again:

The fast faces, missing the graces!

Others thought, too. They reached, grabbing

Hoping for some to just grab and come.

 

Few did, more didn’t.

It was hope making, and heartbreaking.

Some rejected, but some grabbed hold,

Happy to stop, happy not to drop.

 

And so we are, safe, but sad.

Reaching for those who reject,

Hoping they wake up,

And stop soaring to death.