Waiting for Superman…or Any Man Really. (A Review of The Men We Need by Brant Hansen)

A week ago my wife was attacked by a dog. I was in the kitchen cooking dinner when Jeri pulled up and started walking to our front door, suddenly a dog came chasing after her and took a good sized bite out of her leg. I just remember hearing her start to scream for help, and suddenly I was not in front of the stove anymore, I was outside pulling my wife away from an enraged pit-bull. She is ok by the way, she’s healing well and no long term harm done (though I’d imagine getting a dog anytime soon is off the table). Picture this though, what if I had not come outside? What if when I heard and saw her getting attacked I turned on the tv, cracked open a cold one, and put my feet up? I’d imagine a few things would happen.

  1. Jeri could have been hurt even more badly.
  2. There would be lots of blood on our carpet and most of it would be mine

I use this example because obviously I would not be so passive to sit by and watch the woman I love get mauled by a dog. No one would, right? Yet men today are more likely than not to sit back and passively watch obvious needs go by unmet, not stepping into the responsibilities we were created to take on. When we as men refuse to accept these responsibilities we are causing immense damage to those we love.

This is a major topic addressed in Brant Hansens new book The Men We Need

“A passive man becomes useless to those around him. What’s more—and this may seem counterintuitive—a passive man is a threat to the woman in his life. A man’s passivity makes a woman feel less secure, because she will intuit that he may not be up to the job of defending her or their home.” (Hansen 28)

As Hansen says, todays passivity of men is a huge issue. God has gifted men with a specific and crucial role, as Hansen calls it we are meant to be “Keepers of the Garden”. He is a poetic guy and I like how he puts it, but basically it means we as men are meant to be protectors and guards of the people around us. A passive husband leaves his wife feeling unsecure. He will shy away from responsibility and when a need arises he waits for others to solve it instead of taking the on burden himself.

Hansen makes it clear that true masculinity comes from taking responsibility. On the rare occasion I decide to do the dishes for Jeri I am met with overwhelming gratitude. She feels loved that I took on the responsibility. This is the idea that Hansen discusses in his book. I agree with this idea mostly because I have experienced this in my own life. Yesterday for example I put together my new griddle, it had roughly 586,094 parts and took me over 900 hours to complete. Ok fine maybe it only took two hours but it did have that many parts…give or take. Anyway when it was done and I had it seasoned and ready to cook I felt extremely masculine, I mean I only cried for three minutes after burning my thumb. I took responsibility to put together my nice new griddle, made dinner for some friends and my wife. Its fun being a man.

For the rest of the book Hansen deep dwells into six decisions we can make that will set us apart from other men.

  1. Forsake the Fake and Relish the Real
  2. Protect the Vulnerable
  3. Be Ambitious about the Right things
  4. Make Women and Children Feel Safe and Not Threatened
  5. Choose Today Who You Will be Tomorrow
  6. Take Responsibility for your own Spiritual Life

Overall I really liked the direction he took, and how he laid out the biblical view of what it is to be a man and then offered some practical decisions we can make in our life to be the man we need to be.

One of his major ideas of the book is that the world around us has a desperate need for men in it. Hansen uses a metaphorical guy named Jake to make this point.

“Jake is actually harming himself and others, by not being who he was created to be. The world needs Jake. There are real humans outside his window who will suffer because he isn’t who we need him to be. There are real humans outside your window who will suffer because you aren’t who we need you to be.” (Hansen 25)

For Christians this idea is 100% true, we are called to love those around us (John 13:34) which means if we are not taking responsibility in our lives we are not loving anyone. The non-Christian however could push back against this idea that we have some obligation to help the world, by being a contributor.

“I do not owe the world anything, I owe it to myself to be as comfortable and happy as possible”

While this notion may seem like a recipe for a happy life, Hansen does a good job offering counter evidence on why this way of living actually leads to depression and an unfilled life.

While this book has a message that I believe is important for men across the country I think he presents the best case to the Christian man. Jesus was a doer, he worked at a carpenter, was always willing to heal those he met who were in need. He took responsibility for other peoples issues, and we should as well. A Christian with an attitude of “its not my problem” does not live out the “Christ” part of Christian.

Overall, Brant Hansen’s The Men We Need tackles a problem our nation is turning a blind eye to, the lack of men willing to be who they are created to be. He boldly proclaims the biblical view of what it looks like to be a man, you do not need to be super strong, super outdoorsy, or superman. We need a willing heart and can choose to take on the responsibility God has blessed us with. I recommend this book for anyone who is interested in what God says on the topic of masculinity, it is not toxic or hateful to want to be masculine, God has the real inside track to what masculinity looks like, and wants to share it with us. Women this book could be helpful too, you can help your friends and husband be the man he wants to be. I hope men who read this take it heart, take a hard look at themselves and pursue being the man God created you to be, because like Brant Says “Jake, we need you”.

The Marvelous Progression of Film

DISCLAIMER: This post does not really have a point, its just a bunch of my organized thoughts on movies. Please feel free to read and comment if you agree or disagree. I love movie conversations. Enjoy!

I love movies. Now I am no great critic, honestly my opinion of films often revolve around one simple criteria; did I enjoy it? Did I feel like I got my moneys worth? Did I walk out of the theater thinking that I had not just wasted two hours of my life? If a film answers those questions positively than I feel satisfied. Now this does not mean I’m willing to die on that hill that a movie I liked is a piece of cinematic gold. For example, recently I watched the movie Uncharted at home, a movie based on a video game about a treasure hunter looking for lost treasure. The movie was less than two hours, and I love treasure hunt films. I would rate that movie 6/10 very middle of the pack, but worth my time. Some people, have this idea that if a movie is not a gold standard for film, then no one has any business watching it. As if watching an “ok” movie is a tragedy, an unforgivable act, an open declaration of war against the upper echelon of cinema. I never understood that attitude, but my point is there are movies I enjoy that I never talk about with people, and movies I love that I can talk about for hours. All this to say you are allowed to enjoy a shitty movie.

My issue with film today though is the absolute drought of movies with original thought. Almost every movie made nowadays is either.

3.Based on a book/videogame/board game/etc

Very few original films get made in todays day and age. But this does not mean they cannot be original or well done some are pretty phenomenal. Knives Out for example was a fresh take on an old formula (murder mystery) and is was one of my top three films that year. My issue is everything feels so stale and formulaic when we do not get any original ideas for a while. Horror movies are dished out as quickly as the fajitas at a Mexican restaurant, and never really have a plot, just jump scares or really disturbing scenes to try to traumatize you. To be fair I am not a horror movie fan though so for you horror heads you are allowed to enjoy your scare fests. I appreciate the genre, and Scream is one of my favorite movies of all time so I think there is some value in horror films. They just also have fallen into the same old routine in my opinion.

Then comes the giant planet sucking monster known as Disney. I love Disney, can’t lie, I am a sucker for a wholesome animated comedy with a lot of heart. Unfortunately, even they have gotten so bland for me recently. Inside Out, Coco and Moana were some of the last Disney/Pixar films I really enjoyed, Everything since I just have not been impressed with. I know many people might read that and give me shit saying “Zeb they have always been a corporate machine that makes cheesy movies to make a buck, its not new” and yeah I get that corporations are evil, Mark Zuckerberg’s a lizard man, the moon doesn’t exist blah blah blah. All movie studios make films to make money, all grocery stores sell groceries to make money, you go to work to MAKE MONEY everyone wants to make as much money as possible. That’s life. That doesn’t mean you don’t care about the product, there is a level of pride in what we create.

I just personally feel the quality of Disney films have gone down, but not necessarily everything Disney owns have reduced in quality. This leads me of course to Marvel. In my opinion the Infinity Saga is a testament to the finest movie franchise ever created. Not all the movies were perfect, but they had heart, built characters I really cared about, and did an amazing job bringing together a decades worth of cinema. Endgame planted itself firmly as one of my favorite movies of all time. I can agree infinity war was probably the better of the two film wise, but Endgame just hit all the right notes for me, closing the saga perfectly and its a time travel movie, my favorite movie plot line ever (Back to the Future remains my favorite movie of all time).

I admit after Endgame I was concerned with the future of Marvel movies because I just do not know how they can top it. I still am not as invested as I was with the infinity saga, but I decided to stick with it for now. My main concern lies in the multiple tv shows and new heroes they are bringing in. Wandavision, Loki, and Moon Knight were excellent. Hawkeye was ok, and I was just plain bored with Falcon and the Winter Soldier. I have never loved Bucky as a character. I am just worried there will soon be so much content to enjoy that the whole experience will become like a chore. So far the only quality Marvel film since Endgame has been Spiderman: No Way Home. Shang-Chi was decent, but sort of forgettable. Spiderman though brought back that excitement I had for Avengers Films and did not disappoint.

Tonight I am going to see Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness, I have high hopes for it, its another one I have been excited to see, but not Spiderman level excitement. I may blog about Doctor Strange 2 after people have time to see it. Anyway, I just hope that Marvel can keep things fresh and keep me engaged in wanting to follow along with it. I think some people are tired of superhero films and I can understand that, I am sick of them other than Marvel, maybe I will get there one day but have not yet.

Anyway to close out my thoughts here, I hope we start getting some more original movies soon. Do not let someone else ruin a movie you enjoy for you, its ok to like “bad” movies. Feel free to tell me some of your thoughts on movies now days, what you like what you dislike. I hope to start blogging more about topics other than just spiritual things so I can get into the habit, so be on the lookout for me blogs as conversation starters. Thanks for reading!

Mission: Submission

The last few months of my life has been pretty crazy. For one, I got married which has been pretty cool, but that’s not the only big change. My Fellowship group I had been apart of for the pass three years split, and my wife Jeri and I had to decide whether we wanted to continue on in college ministry or if we wanted to shift our ministry focus to an older demographic.

Either choice meant one of us leaving our smaller men/women bible study groups (called cell group, but less terrorism and more love) that we had been a part of for many years. It was a tough decision, at the end of the day we decided that while the lord could use us in either new ministry, we felt our days doing college ministry weren’t over yet. So I was the one who ended up leaving my cell and joining a new one with some other friends of mine, albeit a group of younger guys.

I’m still adapting to the new group and I’m excited to share what God is teaching me in it after a little while longer, but for now I wanted to reflect on what I think was the most important thing the lord has taught me after three years in Atlas Homechurch and in my cell group.

When I first became a Christian I was not the most dedicated to my faith, I was in high school at the time and believed in God and was happy to have eternal security in him, but I was more interested in having fun and living life my own way. In college I decided to give following the lord a real shot, and I never looked back. For a long time it was my belief that I had an issue of commitment, and once I became committed enough that my relationship with the lord took off.

Thinking back I regret that this belief of a lack of commitment lead to me putting a lot of expectation on people. I would question people when they would miss a home church or a prayer group, I was fairly quick to judge my closest friends and people the lord had put in my life for me to love and encourage. This quickly led to me being labeled as attendance police. I was worried that like me, others who did not come consistently to things were not truly following the lord. Slowly the lord helped me repent of this mindset, and I stopped harping so much on peoples actions. It was being brought to my attention that peoples actions were not the most important issue but where peoples heart was at.

Fast forward to Atlas Homechurch I was a invited to sit in on leaders meetings, I was discipling some friends of mine and teaching regularly. I wanted to help lead people to a fulfilling life with the lord. I quickly learned that leading in any capacity was a real challenge. I wanted my friends to follow God, live significant lives, I mean all they had to do was all the right things I do all the time and never slip up ever, how hard is that? My issue was I still believed if people were committed enough, and follow all the rules then that’s how you have a successful relationship with God. It was not as intense or as obvious as it was before but clearly this was a persisting issue. People accepted Christ, grew, matured in Atlas, the lord still used me in many ways to love people and do amazing things I did not deserve to be a part of, but at times this heart attitude of challenging others commitment would still arise.

I want to preface this by saying that there very well could be a heart issue if someone never is willing to come join in fellowship. Whether that be a bible study, prayer group, etc. But the actions should never be the main focus but the heart issue behind these actions. There were times I had legit concerns for people not wanting to engage in fellowship, and the lord helped me resolve these with people. The issue for me lied however, in times I would judge others in my heart and focus more on a “lack of commitment” on missing something when in reality they needed loved in that moment, not judged.

This all came to focal point at our Atlas dudes guys retreat, we had to have a smaller winter retreat because of Covid issues, and so we rented out part of a camp and met there for a weekend for a few teachings. It was late Saturday night and we were about to have our last teaching, when a friend of mine asked me to talk to him. I agreed, though I was worried we might miss the start of the teaching (the irony is not lost on me I assure you).

That night my friend opened up to me about all of these things he had been feeling toward me the last year, he was hurt and bitter, because I always seemed more focus on what he was doing than being his friend. He poured his soul out to me, completely threw me through a loop. He told me he understood that I just wanted to help and love him, but he felt crushed with the weight of expectation I placed him under. We talked for two hours, I was stunned, utterly pierced through the heart.

It was that moment I realized just how truly damaging this heart issue I had was, I wanted to love and encourage this brother and instead I had for years left him crushed under a weight of legalism and conform to a standard no one could live up to. At that moment, the only thing I could do is apologize to my friend, beg for his forgiveness which I most certainly did not deserve. To my continued shock, he forgave me on the spot, encouraged me and we left that room dedicated to wanting to strengthen our friendship. It was by far the best teaching I ever missed.

Over the next two years we have become much better friends, and he has grown way more in these past few moths than I could of possibly imagined. He’s matured not only in the lord but in his personal life as well, and I consider my friendship with him a great blessing in my life, so much so I could not imagine getting married without him being in my wedding. He’s helped me grow significantly as well, he helped he finally realize that its not commitment that leads to a deepened relationship with the lord, but I couldn’t really pinpoint the right word for what it was until last night at my last ever discipleship with my friends Ian and Kinzer. Its not commitment that God is looking for, but Submission.

I know, I know, submission is a bad word to a lot of people, it brings a mental picture of weakness, but really a life dedicated to the lord is defined by our submission to him. It means we turn our heart over to him, and follow his leading in our life. Submission is different than commitment because life is different for everyone, not everyone may come to three or four events a week. The thing that matters is where our hearts are at. Do we have a genuine desire to serve the lord.

Atlas taught me that we should give people the freedom to make their own decisions, not try to control them into showing up to as many things as possible. What matters is when we’re enjoying fellowship are we going to actually serve and love people around us. My friend when confronting me, he had a burden to submit to the lord and bring up truth in my life. A truth I am so glad he did bring up to me.

I am excited to see the amazing things the lord is going to do in this new Fellowship Group. One of the main reasons I decided to join the college group is because I feel called to help lead a younger generation of men. I want to help guide them toward growing with the lord, and this lesson of submission is a great place to start. I am still learning what this looks like on a daily basis, but as the lord continues to grow me the more I learn to submit to him. So instead of focusing on whos at what, the focus is on whos loving who, how can we submit to the lord and encourage everyone to love, because Jesus submitting to the father and went to the cross in the greatest example of love of all time. So we too should submit to the lord with a mindset of love.

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Aisle

If you ever want to be the most busiest you’ve ever been in your life, get married. I am not trying to get into the comparison game with anyone, in reality everyone thinks their the busiest person on Earth don’t they?

I say “I’m planning a wedding I’m so busy”

Another person says “You think you’re busy? Try working full time to pay your way through school while raising a kid”

While another may say “You think you’re busy? Try working 13 hours a week at McDonalds”

All this to say there are for sure busier people out there, I know that. In fact, that’s the perspective I’ve been trying to take as the wedding day gets closer and closer. Regardless, there’s been a lot on my plate recently.

When you’re planning a huge party, it can be pretty exhausting figuring out all the details, honestly when I first proposed to Jeri I had yet to nail down a full time job. So a very real concern for me was “ok I’m going to marry the love of my life, now I just need a way to financially support her…God help me”

And what happened next…may shock you, click the link below to find out.

Click Here

Just Kidding, did I trick ya?

For real though, the craziest most insane thing about the all powerful, all knowing, infinite, creator God of all existence…. Is that he listens to us. He listens to me, and cares about me.

1 John 5:14-15 says
“This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. 15 And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.”

We talked about this passage at our college Bible Study last night and I can say that since getting engaged I have seen God come through time and time again.

Like I said I didn’t have a fulltime job when I first proposed, but by the end of the summer a job literally dropped into my lap.

God listens,

Jeri and I have been saving up for this wedding, but were praying for some support financially and money appears out of thin air practically.

God provides.

Not only that, but we have had so much help from friends and family getting this thing together. Its been miraculous. God has been blessing us over and over and there was nothing we did or could do to deserve it.

God cares.

Its so humbling to know that without the lord this wedding would not be coming together. I am not good enough in and of myself, but God knows that and has provided for me, and I know he’ll continue to provide for us (Jeri and I)

That leads us to today, only 11 days out from the wedding. Its crazy to think about how much my life is changing right now, full-time job, wedding, moving out of the apartments where I lived for the last 7 years, there’s a lot of change.

My favorite verse is Matthew 6:33 “For seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be added to you”

A different translation says “and he will give you the desires of your heart”

I want to have the stuff I want, everyone does, but if there’s anything I have learned the last 7 years its that the best way to get what I actually want is to seek his kingdom first.

This does not mean God is like an ATM (put in prayers/ work, he puts out what you want). Sometimes God doesn’t give us what we want, but what we actually need. The key to having real faith, is when we do not get what we want and we remember the truth that Gods still good despite it.

Other times our will does line up with Gods will.

God has truly given me the desires of my heart, things I never thought I could have. I don’t deserve my job, I don’t deserve to marry a woman who loves me, I don’t deserve the loving friends that I have who have dropped everything to come and serve Jeri and I when we ask for help, I don’t deserve for God to have redeemed my family, yet he blessed me with all these things and so much more.

I am excited, nervous, and anxiously awaiting our wedding day. Through all of the busyness, all the planning, all the waiting; God has provided and I know he will continue to provide for my new family.

If I had to summarize all of this, it truly would be in three words.

Gods just good.

For the Love of Right

I love being right. In sports terms, being right is the equivalent of getting set up for the perfect spike in volleyball and across the net from you is a girl in your Homechurch who only played because you needed a 12th and you just finished convincing her she would not get hit in the head…Oops.

If you’re anything like me, our desire to deliver that satisfying spike trumps the desire to be kind to our friend. That desire to prove to everyone we’re right is a strong one. It is so satisfying to be right. From something small like knowing that one actor in that one movie you saw four years ago, to being on the right side of an argument with a close friend or family member. When this happens the ball is perfectly in the air we know we can just deliver a perfect hit! But we very rarely take a minute to take a look through the net and see the look on our friends face. Sure we’ll get that sweet sweet justification, but in our love of right we forget the right of love.

Imagine a close friend comes up to you in a situation, they are timid to bring up their thoughts with you because they are not sure how you respond. I like to respond by sitting down and in my mind building up a mountain of defenses for myself, I’m very good at it. I listen attentively waiting to slip in my justification, then he gets to the issue and I realize I don’t need a made up excuse, I have a legitimate one! The balls in the air, I know that I am in the right.

Pause. I take a look through the net. My friend is anxious, he is worried that I am are going to respond pretty much the same way I was planning to. Here are the options.

Option One: Spike the ball, the games won time to go out for ice cream, today feels like a Strawberry kind of day.

Option Two: 1 Corinthians 6:7 “The very fact that you have lawsuits among you means you have been completely defeated already. Why not rather be wronged?”

I hate being wronged. But I love my friend even more.

Jesus Christ was the most right person in the history of mankind. He never was wrong, ever. Yet he was arrested and treated like a criminal and sent to death on a cross. Jesus very easily could have proven himself right in the situation, he could have called down an army of angels to pick him up and build a statue that says “we’re with Mr.Right” if he wanted to.

Yet in his love for us he gave up his rights (yes pun VERY intended)

Philippians 2: 5-8
“You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, he gave up his divine privileges, he took the humble position of a slave
and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form, he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross.”

Jesus gave up his rights as God to pursue a loving relationship with us. Can I give up my right to rightness to love my friends? I hope so! This is a relatively new conviction I have, but I pray the lord can help me develop it further. I struggle with this a lot, I want to be right all the time. The lord calls us to give that up in pursuit of love. As I continue to grow with the lord, the more I see that loving people is no easy task. I can be nice to someone, but to love them takes a lot more. It is not easy, but nothing worth doing is easy.

I think it is going to be extremely hard to give up my right to right, but hey I’d love to be wrong.

The Long Way Round

Ok ok yes, you caught me; I started this blog around a year ago and this is only my second post ever. I’ve had several thoughts about what I wanted to write about but there has been one thing getting in my way every time I go to write…I am lazy.

If you already read my last post, I let you in on that little secret already. If you haven’t read it that’s ok, but I do ask you to try for a moment if you can to push past your initial impression of me (which I can only assume is soft spoken, never sarcastic, and an incredibly deep thinker) to accept this hard truth.

I took my time deciding what I wanted to write about, but I really do hope to make this the beginning of a regular thing for me. I love reading (though the motivation to do it comes in phases) but writing has never been something that comes naturally for me. I struggle with the process, it takes time and the ability (and patience) to think deeply. I tend to try finding shortcuts a lot of the time in life, for a long time in school I was always trying to figure out the formula for the best possible grade with the least amount of work. This worked in some classes, in others it cost me big time.

Here’s the thing about shortcuts my friends, you buy a little time now, by costing yourself a lot of time later.

I have learned this lesson the hard way, because my shortcut cost me 7 years. Allow me to explain. I was a senior in High School very much into the performing arts (singing, dancing, acting) I loved being on the stage, and studying music. I’ll level with you, by my senior year out of my 8 classes of the day almost half of them were music classes. I had accepted Christ about a year previously and was going to Beta a high school bible study in Cuyahoga Falls consistently but God didn’t fully have my heart. I was following my own desires. I wanted to be recognized. I loved the applause, the compliments, the fun of performing and gave my all to music and what I thought was my key to happiness.

Once I graduated I decided that I wanted to go to Kent State University (mostly to follow a girl) though going where a lot of close friends were going had its benefits too. I always knew I wanted to be a teacher, my mom was a teacher and the idea of having summers, spring/winter break and major holidays off just sounded too good to pass up. I originally was an integrated math major for about three minutes, but knew I would not stick to it. I decided to go exploratory until I decided what I really wanted to do. The thing was though I already knew what I wanted to do, I wanted to follow music. I had this stupid little thing in my head called common sense that told me I could not spend 4 years studying music performance because there was no chance I would ever make it big as a performer. So after taking two years to decide in the exploratory program I switched to music education. The first three years of college were like a tug of war battle in my heart. I was doing what I thought would make me happy, but it ended up just draining me of my love of music instead. It was around year two of my music education program (year three of college) when I was faced with a major issue for those wanting to teach choir. I could not play the piano. I was trying to learn and could slowly piece things together if I had a long time to do it but not enough to pass a piano class. I was also told that as part of my program I had to attend 80% of the music events at the school. Most of these events were concerts and recitals that took place on Tuesday and Saturday nights. What was the issue with that? Lets rewind a little.

My summer before my sophomore year of college I had joined a ministry apartment with some high school friends and some friends from my church now called Freedom Fellowship. For those who are not familiar with a ministry apartment, it basically is just an apartment where I live with some friends from my church with a mutual goal to grow our faith in the lord with one another. To be honest I can’t tell you why I moved in originally, the lord must have been really pressing on my heart to try it out. I was not very dedicated to my faith at that point in my life, it was pretty low on my list of priorities. I was going to my college bible study, taking part in a small men’s bible study, and attending a weekly church wide meeting. I was learning more and more about the bible but was not really sure what I wanted to do with my faith or the knowledge I was learning. I just wanted to have fun, play the games after the teachings, go home and watch tv.

I was living life my way but I did not realize there was something better out there. Something right in front of my face that I just couldn’t bring into focus.

“Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.” Rev 3:20 (NIV)

God was trying to knock on my heart, he wanted me to realize he was standing right there begging to offer me a better life. I had accepted him into my heart my junior year of high school but I never did anything with it. I had yet to make that “second decision” to live my life for him.

I kept fumbling around, failing classes, hooking up with my ex girlfriend on again off again to try to feel happy. The truth is I was miserable, depressed, and always felt like I had to put on a fake smile for everyone around me. After all I was supposed to be a performer right? So…I performed.

“There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death.” Proverbs 14:12 (NIV)

All my decisions seemed like they in theory should make me happy. It was not until much later that I would come to realize that while I wanted a life of happiness, what I needed was a life of Joy. My plan was going one direction while the lords plan for me was going the other he wanted me to be joyful, I just wasn’t sure how to get there. I kept following my plan until one night something broke. I was at home in my apartment feeling the impact of the life I was living and I felt just broken. Had no idea what I wanted anymore out of life. I was failing school, failing in relationships, and I just couldn’t take it anymore. I was utterly defeated.

I had nothing left to lose so I told God I would give his way a shot. I was already here, living in an apartment focused on growing with him, so I decided I would test out his way. I would try caring for my roommates, talking to him more, read the word and actually try to care about the things he cared about. The most mind blowing thing for me though was that the number one thing God cared about…was me.

The difference was quite literally like night and day. I suddenly didn’t feel so sucky to put it mildly. I felt joyful and lighter, IP (my college bible study) was actually fun because of the people and conversation I would have, not just the games. I felt so free…until I went back to school. So now we can pick up where we lift off Music classes kept getting harder, I didn’t know piano, and I would have to spend most of my time attending music events. I was resigned to my fate until the music event schedule came out and as I said most of the events took place on Tuesdays and Saturdays. The issue, those were the days I had my bible studies. So the path I had chosen, and the path the lord laid out in front of me had literally collided.

(Disclaimer: I in no way, shape, or form wish for you to take this out of context to mean God doesn’t want you to do things you want or love. I could have totally made the decision to skip a lot of my bible studies to follow the music path and God would still have loved me unconditionally)

In reality I was miserable in my music degree and looking back now I am convinced God was in the works to help me escape a future career I would not have done well at or enjoyed. I was going to finish up this semester of music education and then decide where to go from there.

After looking into all the options I saw two possible paths, either get a general degree and graduate ASAP or I could switch to another degree and stick it out for a while longer. This time I was convinced I needed to let others in on my decision. I talked to some friends and my roommate who was a teacher Zak Rozler, about what he thought I should do. He encouraged me that while Music Ed did not work out, that he believed I could be a great teacher. I’ll admit I was tempted several times to take the shortcut, get the general degree and be done with college now and save two years. I prayed about this, talked to family and friends and in the end I decided I was done with the shortcuts. The first one I took by going with music education, assuming I could do the easy stuff first then worry later about the hard things (learning piano for instance) had already costed me four years of college.

I switched into my Integrated Language Arts degree and to my great surprise, I loved it. The classes were fun and engaging, I was actually good at it. I started raising my grades, and my last three semesters I have made the deans list. This phase of my schooling has been the best of my college career by far. I am sorry for the extremely long background but I felt it necessary to get it out there and be totally candid about how I have been in college for seven years. Yes, almost two bachelors degrees worth of time. Not going to lie, at times I am really embarrassed of how long it took me to get my school life together. It requires me to admit that I messed, I failed.

While I wanted to just get it all out there about my schooling I want the bigger point to be this. I can not make my life work work by myself. I need God. His plan is so much better than my plan.

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11 (ESV)

God is my hope, he’s gotten me so much farther than I ever would have thought possible from a few years ago.

As I approach the end of my college experience I look back and just am filled with so much joy about the things the lord has done in this time of my life. I have numerous friends who I love dearly, a loving girlfriend who encourages me daily. Roommates who I can laugh and cry with. The lord has been able to use me to help bring people to him, lead a house of truly compassionate men, and be part of amazing discipleships. The last seven years has been hard, the most challenging in my life but also the most joyful.

So to wrap up this way too long post (thanks for bearing with me). Let the lord guide your path, his plan is way better than our plan. He wants desperately to be there to support and love you. In Matthew six Jesus talks about how we should not worry about what we will eat, drink, or wear for when we are seeking him first he will provide for our needs.

“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Matthew 6:33 (NIV)

God provides, he truly does, he did with me. So while it took me a lot longer than most to finally get through college, I am so glad I did not wait to make the decision to live for the lord. There is no shortcuts when it comes to following God, follow him, rely on him. It isn’t always easy, but it is always fulfilling and a life of love and joy.

And for a life like that I don’t mind taking the long way round.

Fight the Feelings!

I’m lazy. Yep, have got to start off just throwing it out there. It’s no real surprise to those who know me, it’s not one of the universes best kept secrets or anything like that. I just don’t like doing things all the time. Now don’t get my wrong, there are times when I have all the energy in the world and am ready to go on an all night adventure, or hit up sheetz at 1am with my friends for a late night snack. Now in those moments you couldn’t stop me with a freight train, when I want to go I GO. The issue is however, those moments are not all the time and lately I have found them few and far between.

Recently I find myself repeating the Phleg motto with the same enthusiasm as Spongebob did when Plankton won him in a poker game

“Nah I don’t really feeeeeeel like it”

If I was being honest with you I would say that 85% of the time I really don’t feel like doing much. Luckily this is a blog and I can choose to lie and say I only don’t feel like doing things 50% of the time. Except for the fact that I already told you it was realistically 85%, I could go back and erase it but like I said in the beginning I’m lazy.

Lately I have been thinking about our feelings. What they’re good for, and probably more importantly when we’re following Christ, what they aren’t good for. For example, if I can trust my feelings to guide my daily schedule then you can trust I will not get out of bed until 1pm, I will then lay on a couch for nine hours watching tv, and will then get food delivered to me. The point here being that our feelings are not always the best guide.

Jeremiah 17:9 says “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?”

Our hearts are messed up, its a true statement and yet we live in this culture that is always telling us to “Follow your heart” and what that looks like is following our feelings. If you feel like you have a shot to make it big in Hollywood you go, don’t let a silly little thing like a son to raise hold you back. Oh, you love that girl, well why didn’t you say so, of course you can leave your wife, it’d be more messed up not to leave. The path our heart takes us on leaves a trail of pain and destruction everywhere we go.

When I think of biblical feeling followers the first person that comes to mind is Moses, the man killed an Egyptian in a moment of anger and his life changed forever. Moses ran away and had to hide from his adoptive grandfather until the man died all because he followed his feelings. Now here’s the thing, Moses thought he was doing what was right, helping his fellow Israelite fight against the big bad slave driver. Moses had the right idea, he knew the slavery of his people was wrong, but he was doing things his own way, not the lords way.

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding

God wanted justice for his people as well, in fact he even told Abraham he would free his people 400 years before they even were enslaved. God had a plan, and what was amazing about that plan was that included using an 80 year old man who had already tried it and failed his way (Eventually I plan to write a blog on how God uses the underdogs, but that’s for another time).

So God speaks to Moses in the form of a burning bush, and gives him his big chance to march back into Egypt and free his people and what does Moses say?

“Nah I don’t really feeeeeeeeeeeeel like it”

More specifically, Moses thinks he cannot do it, he feels like he is not smart enough, strong enough, not a good enough speaker. Now the fact is that he’s right, here in this instance his feelings are spot on, he does not have the ability to do this.

You see our feelings do have their use, they tell us things, we feel sad when someone dies because we know its unnatural and goes against Gods original plan for us. We feel angry when we or someone we care about has some sort of right violated. We feel happy when we enjoy some of the amazing things God has graced us with. Feelings do have their place. Moses is feeling weak and powerless and scared, and if he had continued to follow these feelings then none of us would be where we are right now. Its a good thing Moses had feelings because they told him that he was not enough, and that means he needs someone else’s help.

2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

Moses had his feelings and threw them at the lords feet and despite how he felt in his insecurity and weakness, he went forward and relied on the lords power.

So Moses didn’t follow his feelings, he followed the lord, he followed the knowledge and the reassurance that God would without a doubt, succeed in his mission.

Moses didn’t follow his feelings, he followed the truth.

The truth is that God is the creator of the universe and knows what is best for us. The truth is that God has a plan and has made that plan known for thousands of years. The truth is that, what we know of God always trumps what we are feeling in the moment.

But I know its not always that easy.

It can be so hard to focus on what we know when we so strongly are experiencing what we feel. It is something I battle very often. I feel like my friends don’t care for me, I feel alone and unloved, I feel like God isn’t there. In the moments I feel like that, it can be so hard to focus on what it true. Really really really hard…but…it gets easier.

The more I grow with Christ, meditate on his word, and above all the more I talk to him, the easier it is to live out what he calls me to do. Especially when I do these things when I don’t feel like it. When I feel unloved and alone I talk to God because despite how I feel, I know he’s there. I know he cares for me

1 Peter 5:7 “Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.”

See, told you. When we are willing to take our feelings and put them aside we can see what is true. The more we focus on what is true, the easier it is to not live in our feelings. Let me tell you, when we are able to start putting your feelings on the back burner, you experience such a beautiful freedom. You no longer feel like a slave to your emotions, you still feel these things, but you know that they do not take precedence over what is true.

Philippians 4:8-9 “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me–put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”

Paul starts with what is true for a reason, he knows the truth takes precedence over all else. Paul says in that Philippians verse that when we think about these things we get the “peace of God”, when we are following our feelings we do not get peace, we get confusion.

So what does it look like to follow the truth? When we follow the truth, it means we take action. What action are we called to take?

John 13:34 “So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other.”

We are following the truth when we live out this commandment, we go and love others. The best way to get outside of ourselves is by getting into the life of someone else, and when we do that is when we learn one of Gods little rewards for us. When we start going out and loving others, we stop feeling so bad, in fact we start to feel pretty great.

Feelings follow actions. I think God put that little cheat code in there for us and I thank him that he did. When we take the action of loving even when we don’t want to, our feelings often follow and we feel better because we were able to focus on someone else and give them love.

This isn’t going to happen overnight, its not going to happen every time we’re upset. We will experience times when we just won’t be able to fight off the feelings and we sit and need someone to listen to us for a bit, and that’s okay when that happens, but in those moments we need to be able to see what are our feelings and what is the truth.

Just to wrap up here, I really encourage people reading this to think how we can encourage our people to live in the truth and not just follow our feelings all the time. I have seen some of my friends really grow in this area over the last few months and it has been so amazing to see them talk about their feelings but still be able to say they know what is true and they want to focus on that.

So in conclusion:

  1. Feelings: Great indicators, terrible guides
  2. Be free from the chains of our feelings

John 8:32 “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”